Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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