I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
be right there i have to get my cape
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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