Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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