I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
