can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
