I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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