In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
