she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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