Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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