you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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