can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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