I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
