p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
