Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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