I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
