I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
