Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
