i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
