the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We got so high we made milksteak
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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