Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
