I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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