Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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