Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
