just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
