I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
