My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
