There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
