What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
