You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
