My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
