the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
