I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
