she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
worst night to have a conscience
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
