I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
