ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
