break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
