I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
