i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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