I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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