You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
pray to the hookup gods
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
