I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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