dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
