Your tits are I can't wait for
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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