david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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