Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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