I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
