i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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