Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
