I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
