In the future we'll all be gay
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
