i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
